tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34406110767460085512024-03-13T05:42:14.843-07:00The Path to Wonderful by Melissa MarisTips and inspiration for single women navigating dating and break-ups, and overwhelmed wives and mamas looking for ways to bring more joy and balance into day-to-day life. Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.comBlogger158125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-36864630906862148892022-04-26T16:42:00.000-07:002022-04-26T16:42:00.014-07:00A New Book to Help You Navigate Red Flags and Right Fits in Love<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUi5aFrVBuP6Wa6usyaU9O_keOT_EktnHKajt1e1jhHnrMOwkj-G4xBHakQx8lZBTc_cTAp-DdveVwcsNXNej_NWHozVsz4voW0hdlWu5fqPmT3ywPjpsRGDh3t0D8EuFs9fz67ocYio4tbKzkZ7NRyBrgc3wQ01EPtkwr1kR1BimwqwlE4c_25YG9Bw/s4032/IMG_7484.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUi5aFrVBuP6Wa6usyaU9O_keOT_EktnHKajt1e1jhHnrMOwkj-G4xBHakQx8lZBTc_cTAp-DdveVwcsNXNej_NWHozVsz4voW0hdlWu5fqPmT3ywPjpsRGDh3t0D8EuFs9fz67ocYio4tbKzkZ7NRyBrgc3wQ01EPtkwr1kR1BimwqwlE4c_25YG9Bw/w300-h400/IMG_7484.HEIC" width="300" /></a></div>After eleven years of marriage and ten years of coaching, I wrote a book about dating! <p></p><p>I've been working on various iterations of it FOREVER. But a few years ago, I started drafting in earnest and after a fortuitous three-month break from my day job, I wrapped up the manuscript and published it <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/When-You-Know-Navigating-Workbook/dp/B09X3JBND9/ref=sr_1_1?crid=31JQA1B17QXH7&keywords=when+you+know+melissa+maris&qid=1651013900&sprefix=%2Caps%2C442&sr=8-1" target="_blank">on Amazon</a> this month. The book tells my own story but weaves in a variety of journaling exercises to help you, dear reader, get clearer on your specific relationship patterns, cravings, and deal breakers. </p><p>When I was single, people used to tell me "when you know, you know" as a means of describing what it was like to find the right match. But after many fizzled relationships, I realized the knowing was also there when—in spite of thinking I was in love—my match was all wrong. The difference was that no one talked about that kind of knowing much. </p><p>So after a rotten breakup, I decided to dig in and understand what my gut, not my brain, was trying to communicate to me about the guys I dated. I discovered that I needed to listen to my body if I wanted real clarity on how to proceed. Checking boxes next to desired attributes wasn't enough. I needed to focus on Red Flag and Right Fit states of emotion and how those registered inside of me physically. </p><h2 style="text-align: left;">Understanding how to use your own internal navigation system to move toward or away from what you do or don't want serves you in every area of your life, not just in relationships. </h2><p>The better I got at deciphering Red Flag and Right Fit feelings, the more confident and happier I became moving through the world. Trusting my gut instead of my monkey mind allowed me to stay on the path that was right for me. <i>Ya might call it the path to wonderful...</i></p><p>Ultimately, this approach not only led me to my adoring husband, it led me back to myself. </p><p>I hope this book can help you move forward more aligned with your inner knowing and more trusting of yourself. Get your copy <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/When-You-Know-Navigating-Workbook/dp/B09X3JBND9/ref=sr_1_1?crid=31JQA1B17QXH7&keywords=when+you+know+melissa+maris&qid=1651013900&sprefix=%2Caps%2C442&sr=8-1" target="_blank">in paperback or on Kindle </a>now. </p>Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-25686654532252732012018-09-18T19:45:00.000-07:002018-09-18T19:45:04.530-07:00Being New and Sucking At It<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When I went through coach training 6 years ago, one of the first things we were taught was that we would never succeed if we couldn't make peace with sucking. In order to be good, we had to first embrace being bad. As a new coach, this was the last thing I wanted to do.<br />
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<b>But the truth is that making peace with stumbling is what can help you soldier on.</b><br />
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If you can't be comfortable with the suck factor, you'll quit—or worse, just drive yourself crazy amidst the discomfort. This reminder ended up serving me endlessly as I cut my chops as a new coach, but as time passed and I hunkered into familiar roles where I excelled, its importance drifted out of my mind.<br />
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At the beginning of August, I started a new freelance writing job for a big tech company and the feeling of being new threw me so off balance you'd have thought I was wearing banana peel boots. I was used to being an expert—the go-to girl for smart answers. That's how I'd been operating for years at my previous job and I was so comfortable in that role.<br />
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<b>I had forgotten how to be the new guy. </b><br />
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I had forgotten how to be ok with sucking. How to treat myself—and my new job—with grace and understanding that this state of discombobulation was only temporary. Instead, my instinct was to think, "Oh man, this is so hard. It's not really fun either. It might just be a terrible fit for me!"<br />
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But that wasn't the truth. I was working with old friends, writing interesting stuff that really wasn't so hard, being paid nicely, and enjoying the flexibility to dash out to my garden in the middle of the day.<br />
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What was hard was being new. What was not fun was being new.<br />
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Until I reminded myself (with the help of my life guru ex-boss who is a total rockstar) that everything I was feeling was normal for a newbie, I felt stuck and really uncertain about my future in the new gig. But I'm learning to walk and I'm going to get better at it. Soon I'll be running and at some point I may even be back to being an expert.<br />
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Imagine if babies quit when new things felt hard or not so fun. The first time they face-planted when testing out their feet, they'd be like "Well I guess it's back to crawling for me!" How many adults would spend their time on hands and knees just because it felt more comfortable than learning how to move upright?<br />
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It all reminds me of a client I had who kept bouncing from one job to the next. The client claimed that everything was the wrong fit, but now I have to wonder if it was just the feeling of newness that felt wrong. Maybe, all along, the real key to finding the right fit was making peace with stumbling for a while.<br />
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<b>There's power in learning to suck at something. </b><br />
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And I'm so grateful I've had to relearn that firsthand.Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-84671857247574769802018-08-20T13:41:00.000-07:002018-08-20T13:41:40.079-07:00You Matter: A Love LetterNearly 5 years ago, I launched a free monthly email love letter program aimed at sending kindness, encouragement, a little guidance, and a lot of love at whoever was willing to read. I hoped that it might brighten readers' days—or maybe give them a gentle and needed nudge to make change. I was awed when, each month, someone (or many) would write back to me and tell me the letter was exactly what they needed to hear that day.<br />
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I've decided to retire the letters but plan to repost many of them here for those who weren't subscribers at the time they went out. As always, I hope that maybe they'll make those who read them feel understood and adored.<br />
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<span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1534522958766_194880" style="background-color: white; color: #505050; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "lucida grande" , "lucida sans unicode" , "lucida sans" , "tahoma" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Dearest,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #505050; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "lucida grande" , "lucida sans unicode" , "lucida sans" , "tahoma" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I was at a party recently when someone started telling a story about a baby with a minor birth defect. A question came up about it, and a friend who was sitting next to me rattled off a bunch of answers under her breath, but when I encouraged her to share them with the person who brought up the story, she shrunk like a wilting daisy.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #505050; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "lucida grande" , "lucida sans unicode" , "lucida sans" , "tahoma" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1534522958766_194882" style="font-size: 18px;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1534522958766_194881" style="font-weight: 700;">When was the last time you hid your greatness?</span></span><br /><br />It’s funny how sometimes you know you have something truly valuable to contribute but fear of judgment, or seeming like a know-it-all, or maybe just the sound of your own voice stops you dead in your tracks.<br /><br /><span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1534522958766_195049" style="font-weight: 700;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1534522958766_195048" style="font-size: 18px;">The thing is, what you have to say matters.</span></span><br /><br />What you do matters. Who you are matters. Out of the 7+ billion people on this planet, you are the only one with your exact mixture of smarts, talent, insight, beauty, and wit. When you don’t share what you have to offer—when you dim your unique light—you’re doing the world a disservice.<br /><br />So KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!<br /><br />Kidding. Sort of…<br /><br />This world needs what you have. And your spirit needs the world to have it. You need to be yourself and use your voice, or else you’re not living what Brene Brown would call a <a href="http://thepathtowonderful.us7.list-manage.com/track/click?u=97257bff57d75b5a1f8422841&id=0ce249244e&e=fd31c2e6c5" rel="nofollow" style="background: transparent; color: #336699; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px;" target="_blank">“wholehearted”</a> life.<br /><br />Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t make yourself small. Step up and step into your power. Speak up and speak your truth. Give us all you’ve got.<br /><br />And we’ll love you even more for it.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #505050; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "lucida grande" , "lucida sans unicode" , "lucida sans" , "tahoma" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">XXOO,</span><br />
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I saw a <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/news/stress-anxiety-depression-mental-illness-increases-study-finds/" target="_blank">statistic on the morning news</a> today about how a record number of Americans are currently suffering from stress, depression, and anxiety. Though I found this dismaying, I didn't find it surprising. Because, on and off, I've been one of those Americans.<br />
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Toward the end of last year, I found myself trying to stay afloat amidst waves of stress, frustration, and pessimism about the world at large. My day job was getting on my last nerve. My patience at home was as thin as ever. When I looked around myself, I saw unfinished projects, an uncertain future, an unstable country.<br />
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So when the New Year arrived, I decided to resurrect <a href="http://www.thepathtowonderful.com/2012/11/a-different-way-of-giving-thanks.html" target="_blank">my favorite mood-altering habit</a>: writing in a daily gratitude journal.<br />
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It was working okay, but after hearing about a new, more structured gratitude journal while listening to a podcast, my husband challenged me to up my game. He bought each of us a copy of <a href="https://www.intelligentchange.com/products/the-five-minute-journal" target="_blank"><i>The Five-Minute Journal</i></a> and dove right into it with his signature gusto. I, on the other hand, resisted the new book. I thought my old methods were just fine—I didn't need some fancy new fill-in-the-blanks book to help me craft my practice.<br />
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Oh, how very wrong I was.<br />
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People, this book is life-changing. And I'm not being dramatic. And I'm not getting compensated in any way to say this.<br />
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The journal truly does require only 5-10 minutes of your day. A quick entry in the morning, another at the end of the night, and you're done. But the transformation it can spark has been downright remarkable to me. <br />
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My stress levels feel lower than they have in probably a year. My optimism has returned. Though the future does still seem a little shaky to me, I see so much goodness when I look around the world.<br />
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I'm not saying everything is 100% rosy all of the time. <a href="http://ourlifeofwonderful.blogspot.com/2017/03/its-all-just-happening-too-fast.html" target="_blank">I still have blips of overwhelm and frustration</a>, but on the whole, I feel like a different person.<br />
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Shifting my focus to look for things I appreciate—it's magic. Opening and closing each day with gratitude—total path-paver to long-term happiness. And then the book has extras like weekly challenges and inspiring quotes that just crank the positivity dial even further in the right direction.<br />
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I've now gone on to purchase <a href="https://www.intelligentchange.com/products/the-five-minute-journal" target="_blank">this book</a> for more than one person and recommend it to pretty much anyone who will listen. I'll have to report back on others' results because I really am astonished by my own.<br />
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If you're looking for a way to save your sanity and change your outlook, I would highly recommend giving <i>The Five-Minute Journal</i> a shot. After all, a little gratitude never hurt anybody.<br />
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<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-65286035517643578992016-08-15T21:57:00.000-07:002016-08-15T21:57:06.308-07:00A Letter to My Siblings: What to Do When Nothing Will Ever Be the Same<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>My sister and brother-in-law and husband's sister and brother-in-law are all sending kids off to college this month. This is a letter aimed at trying—even in the smallest sense—to help lessen the emotional weight they're all carrying. </i><br />
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Dearest Parents of New College Students,<br />
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I know your hearts are tender right now. Though I've never had to send a child off to school, I know the feeling that comes with seismic life shifts. That ache that sits with you as you wonder how you're going to sleep at night amidst all the memories and worries. I felt it when I broke up with my first serious boyfriend. I felt it when I got laid off from my first job out of college. And again when one of the key players in my close-knit group of friends moved back to Texas. I felt it when I moved to a completely new city 3 years ago and knew almost no one.<br />
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It's heavy and suffocating.<br />
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But the crazy thing is—that same feeling that <i>Nothing Will Ever Be the Same</i>—also showed up when I traveled to Europe for the very first time. And when I accepted my favorite job at Yahoo. And when I said my wedding vows.<br />
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<b>Do you remember other times you've felt it too? </b><br />
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If I were to guess, I'd say you felt the weighty pang when those beautiful girls you're sending to college were first born.<br />
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And all this goes to show that nothing—good, bad, painful, joyful, familiar, uncomfortable—is ever the same. Everything is always changing, all the time. Even when the people we love stay right under the same roof with us.<br />
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Relationship evolve. New faces come in and out of our lives. Jobs shift. Personalities mature. Always, nothing is ever the same.<br />
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<b>The truth is, you've been doing this change dance forever. You're an expert at it. You just might not realize it. </b><br />
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And the coolest thing is that the lack of sameness opens up a great big wide space for new things to enter. Who can you be and what can you do with that new open space? How will you fill it? What things have you been putting off for 4 years—or 18 years—that you might now have an opportunity to try? And furthermore, how might this massive shift lead to an even more incredible relationship with your kids as they grow into the fully formed adult humans they were always meant to be? What wondrous new ways are they going to add to your life that you can't even fathom right now?<br />
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This is all part of the process. On some level, this is what you always hoped for them—that they would do well in school and get into good colleges and embark on adventures that would lead them down paths of success and fulfillment. You've done such an amazing job. Congratulations to you.<br />
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Oh, but the hurt.<br />
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Yep, I haven't forgotten about that.<br />
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If it isn't enough to know that this change is all for the good of your kids—and you—then I have to ask you to treat yourself like a metamorphosizing caterpillar.<br />
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See, when a caterpillar is going to become a butterfly, it doesn't really realize what's happening. Instinct tells it a change is coming, so it tucks itself into a safe, cozy cocoon to protect against the impact of the transformation. Now, not everyone knows this, but caterpillars actually <i>liquify</i> inside their cocoons. <i>I know, gross.</i> Their cells literally begin recoding and reimagining themselves into something completely new. And while their little bodies eventually dream and scheme into winged creatures, the battle isn't over yet—they then have to struggle and struggle to break free from the cocoons. It's not until they can pull themselves out by their little butterfly bootstraps that they're able to be carefree and fly off into the sunset.<br />
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<b>Parents, you are the caterpillars right now. </b><br />
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You've spun your pods and your getting ready to reimagine yourselves into something new. But right now, while the sadness is so intense, just curl up on the couch and cocoon yourself in while everything goes to liquid. Get comfy. Treat yourself with compassion. Maybe eat some ice cream and cuddle with the dog or cat.<br />
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And soon enough, you'll be feeling so strong you'll want to wrestle out of your cocoon and go test out those fancy new wings. It wouldn't surprise me if flying nearby are those beautiful Monarchs you sent off to college.<br />
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And 4 years from now, (which will go by faster than you think) it wouldn't surprise me one bit if your lovely little insects land on your doorsteps again to stay awhile. <br />
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<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-10139999724214936802016-08-12T10:27:00.000-07:002016-08-12T10:27:35.197-07:00A Letter to My Nieces Who Are Starting College....and Anyone Else Who's Navigating a Big Change<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Dearest Change Embarkers,<br />
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I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I can remember what it was like when I left for college as a transfer student and no one warned me about all the things I would feel. <i>Oh, the feelings.</i> So very, very many of them. <br />
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I remember thinking I hadn't ever cried so much in my life as I did those first six months of living away from home. There was so much uncertainty—would things ever feel comfortable again? would friends ever feel as close as the ones I'd grown up with? was my boyfriend being faithful? did the people at home miss me as much as I missed them?<br />
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<b>The worry and the sadness and the stress that come with big changes are kind of a given. But even when you know they're coming, they can flatten you like an avalanche. It's hard to be prepared. </b><br />
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And this is the thing that no one tells you: Feeling all those hard feelings—the growing pains that stretch the limits of what you've ever had to endure in the past—it means you're LIVING.<br />
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When the hurt feels deeper than maybe it ever has before—that means you're having a deeper human experience.<br />
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All that crying and worrying and wondering? It's a gift.<br />
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You're being given the gift of depth and breadth. The gift of a life that is more intense than some other people will ever experience. You're being given the chance to explore the spectrum of your own emotions.<br />
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And I promise that with those low lows will come high highs.<br />
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So if I could send you on your way with one little nugget of knowledge, it would be that.<br />
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That the sadness you're inevitably going to feel is an amazing opportunity in disguise. A chance to push the boundaries of yourself and your emotions.<br />
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So if you can, be a little grateful for it.<br />
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I guarantee that down the line, when you're looking back on this time, you'll view it with fondness and nostalgia. Not only because you'll have made it through—but because you were fortunate to have experienced it at all.<br />
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Love you lots and am sending all my good vibes with you as you set out on your journey.<br />
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Go live your great, big life. It's going to be amazing.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-65713931834092502982016-01-19T13:22:00.001-08:002016-01-19T13:22:08.207-08:00Are You Making It Harder Than It Is?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YGF6a_Fei_c/Vp6D-ayIq1I/AAAAAAAAGAQ/R_iAUMgBq14/s1600/IMG_1343.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YGF6a_Fei_c/Vp6D-ayIq1I/AAAAAAAAGAQ/R_iAUMgBq14/s640/IMG_1343.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If we all let ourselves think that running was easy, would we do it more often?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
"Marriage is hard."<br />
<br />
It wasn't the first time I'd heard that line. Many a husband, wife—and even singleton—had declared it in my presence. But when I heard it a few weeks ago, my coaching siren immediately sounded.<br />
<br />
LIMITING BELIEF!<br />
<br />
Is it true that marriage can be a challenge? Absolutely. When you're in locked in wed, you have to live with the person day in and day out, through your moods and theirs, making compromises to maintain peace.<br />
<br />
<b>But letting your focus rest on a thought about anything being hard can make it feel even more difficult. </b><br />
<br />
A couple of years ago when we moved to our current house, my husband was still working in Los Angeles, and was only able to commute up on weekends. During the week, I was all alone in a slightly dilapidated house, missing my friends and my love, writing marketing materials for tech companies by day, taking care of chronically sick pets by night. Very quickly, my mental mantra became "Living here is SO HARD." I had a litany of evidence to support my frustrated story, so it played on repeat in my head.<br />
<br />
The crappy side effect of this way of thinking was that as soon as
my brain started telling me something was hard, my body felt exhausted.
The thought drained my energy and made me want to crumple to the floor and be
spoon-fed chicken soup until I could be convinced life was easy again.<br />
<br />
<b>Thinking something is hard makes it feel even harder. Even heavier. </b><br />
<br />
Finally one day, I sat down and forced myself to <a href="http://www.thepathtowonderful.com/search/label/turnarounds" target="_blank">turn my story around</a>. <br />
<br />
"Living here is easy."<br />
<br />
I wrote it in my journal and drafted a list of dozens of reasons why it was true—maybe even truer than the crappy story about how living in my new home was hard.<br />
<br />
Guess what? I started to <a href="http://www.thepathtowonderful.com/2013/11/launching-counterattack-on-stress-how.html" target="_blank">feel a little better</a>. Though my outward circumstances hadn't changed at all, the change to my inner mental state made life feel less heavy.<br />
<br />
I shared this example with the spouse who had commented on marriage being hard, and I think something clicked.<br />
<br />
Marriage, moving, writing marketing copy—they can all be difficult.<br />
<br />
But can they can also be easy.<br />
<br />
It's all a matter of where we choose to stack our decks of evidence. And the truth is, unless you're willing to do something potentially drastic to change your "hard" situation, it doesn't serve you in any way to dwell in a place of distress.<br />
<br />
Going from feeling crappy to happy can start with a simple one-word shift in your mental playlist. <i>Goodbye, hard. Hello, easy.</i><br />
<br />
<b>So tell me—what feels like the biggest struggle for you right now? And why is it equally true that the thing you perceive as arduous could be effortless? </b><br />
<br />
Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-21728907769509766272015-12-15T15:49:00.001-08:002015-12-15T15:49:20.577-08:00The Greatest Gift for Anyone (Including You)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QxOs-A2Dvpo/VnCbOs3XobI/AAAAAAAAF-8/mtXgfJWUDIQ/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-15%2Bat%2B2.46.43%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QxOs-A2Dvpo/VnCbOs3XobI/AAAAAAAAF-8/mtXgfJWUDIQ/s400/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-12-15%2Bat%2B2.46.43%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
Last fall, I made the well-meaning decision to write each person in my immediate family a gratitude letter for Christmas.<br />
<br />
I wanted to let them know why I was thankful to have them in my life. I wanted to bring them joy.<br />
<br />
Also, I wanted to bring myself joy... <br />
<br />
Actually sitting down to write each of the 11 letters was more difficult than I thought it would be. It felt like SUCH an undertaking.<br />
<br />
<i><b>I mean, how do you accurately express to someone the many reasons you're grateful for them? </b></i><br />
<br />
Turns out, it didn't matter.<br />
<br />
All that mattered was that I did my best. And the beauty of it was that each time I pounded the keyboard trying to find the right words to thank these people, it filled me with such a feeling of happiness and fortune. The knowledge of how lucky I am to know each of them came flooding back. (Let's face it: Sometimes, we just forget.)<br />
<br />
When I gave each relative their envelope on Christmas, I got a little of the the-crazy-life-coach-is-at-it-again look. Yet, days later, they contacted me telling me how I'd brought tears to their eyes or made them laugh or just made them feel valued.<br />
<br />
<b>Those reactions and the process of writing the letters were both pretty much bullet trains to Dopamineville. </b><br />
<br />
I felt like the letters were not only the best Christmas presents I could have given my relatives, but also the best gift I could have given myself.<br />
<br />
At a time of year when most of us have to turn to another glass of wine to help tolerate our families, it felt so much better to celebrate them instead.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>So if you're looking for an extra way brighten up your holiday this year, try documenting the reasons you're grateful for someone. </b><br />
<br />
<b>Gratitude will getcha every time. </b><br />
<br />
<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-46959783052493469542015-11-30T23:04:00.000-08:002015-11-30T23:04:20.363-08:00The Secret to Happiness - Revealed<b>When was the last time you caught yourself in a moment of total happiness?</b><br />
<br />
I can remember many times during my 20s, being on my way out to meet girlfriends, the stereo cranked in my car, that melded feeling of unknowing and endless possibility thumping in my chest. I would catch myself thinking <i>I am so happy right now</i>.<br />
<br />
I felt so alive and so free just sitting behind the wheel of my Toyota.<br />
<br />
Now, that same feeling creeps up on me when I set out on a hiking trail or spend the morning pulling weeds, listening to my chickens twittering back and forth. It happens when my husband and I try a new wine and watch each other's faces to try to guess what the other thinks. It shows up when I'm sitting around a table with family, listening to my parents tell a story I've never heard about something they did as teenagers. <br />
<br />
Happiness pops up when allow myself to settle into the moment. When I'm fully consumed by the present.<br />
<br />
According to a TED talk I recently listened to, that lost-in-the-moment feeling may in fact be the key to happiness. According to Matt Killingsworth, even when people are engaged in tedious activities like their morning commutes, they feel happier when they are fully present in traffic or on the train than when they let their minds wander.<br />
<br />
It's reassuring that this small, widely and easily accessible step could be the key to maintaining a state of joy.<br />
<br />
<b>It means that happiness is right there with you, wherever you are. All you have to do is allow yourself to be in it. </b><br />
<br />
Check out Matt's talk below learn more about finding happiness. And be sure to stay fully present while you watch....<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" mozallowfullscreen="" scrolling="no" src="https://embed-ssl.ted.com/talks/matt_killingsworth_want_to_be_happier_stay_in_the_moment.html" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="640"></iframe>Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-6964064207797139322015-11-02T21:50:00.000-08:002015-11-02T21:50:41.007-08:00Start Your 30 Days of Gratitude<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-g-pQxparslY/VjhKRPUA7JI/AAAAAAAAF7w/qgyx_qk3sM0/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-11-02%2Bat%2B9.41.25%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-g-pQxparslY/VjhKRPUA7JI/AAAAAAAAF7w/qgyx_qk3sM0/s320/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-11-02%2Bat%2B9.41.25%2BPM.png" width="250" /></a></div>
Last Christmas, I wrote each person in my immediate family a gratitude letter, telling them all the reasons why I was thankful to have them in my life. I can't lie: It was a time-consuming process. But each letter made me fall in love with its recipient all over again. I felt overwhelmed with joy every time I completed one.<br />
<br />
That's the magic of gratitude—even if it's directed at someone else, it elevates you, too. It fills your heart right along with filling theirs. And with so much chaos and suffering in the world, I think we can all stand for a little heart-filling these days.<br />
<br />
Being that it's the month of Thanksgiving, now is a perfect time to start practicing gratitude. I'll even give ya a little head start... <br />
<br />
<a href="https://docs.google.com/a/thepathtowonderful.com/file/d/0B8VDMYTDLci0TnFSTGpZYVkzNk0/edit?pli=1" target="_blank">Download my 30 Days of Gratitude worksheet</a>, free.<br />
<br />
Happy gratituding to you.<br />
<br />
<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-23796825683572922922015-10-16T12:50:00.000-07:002015-10-16T12:50:14.585-07:00It's Probably Time for You to Start Having an Affair<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mX4T4uzY0xs/ViFOAT-w5QI/AAAAAAAAF34/u9xpodxAlK4/s1600/wineview.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="382" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mX4T4uzY0xs/ViFOAT-w5QI/AAAAAAAAF34/u9xpodxAlK4/s640/wineview.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
I feel that I should begin this post by saying: I would never cheat on my husband. And that's not what I'm suggesting you do, either.<br />
<br />
But I am going to encourage you to start a torrid love affair.<br />
<br />
See, I recently listened to all of <a href="http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/magic-lessons/" target="_blank">Elizabeth Gilbert's "Magic Lessons" podcasts</a>, which coincide with the release of her new book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Big-Magic-Creative-Living-Beyond/dp/1594634718/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1445022822&sr=8-1&keywords=Big+Magic" target="_blank"><i>Big Magic</i>: <i>Creative Living Beyond Fear</i></a>. In one of the episodes, she coaches a creatively stymied artist around the idea of rekindling her painting passion by starting an affair with the process. She tells the woman to give herself permission to be naughty and sexy and a little wicked.<br />
<br />
Sounds fun, right?<br />
<br />
Though Liz's podcast and advice are focused on sparking creativity, this notion of having an affair with something you love, once loved, or are just curious about is really exciting. It turns whatever it is that you want to pursue—but are maybe afraid of starting—into a secret act of pleasure that's just for you. No one even has to know you're doing it. And (hopefully!) it won't do any damage to your real-life relationships.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>If you were going to let yourself start sneaking away to meet your new "lover," who would that lover be? </b><br />
<br />
Your favorite books? Your journal? The beach? A run in the woods? Home decor magazines? Watercolors or sculpture or collages? A museum? A movie theater? Peace, quiet, and solitude?<br />
<br />
And what would you do to get ready for your secret meetings? Get dolled up? Be more diligent about your own self care? Allow yourself to put away the anxiety or the guilt for awhile? Remind yourself of someone who you used to be? Give yourself permission to be nasty, sexy, adventurous, and wicked?<br />
<br />
I'll stop bombarding you with questions now. Surely your mind can fill in its own blanks.<br />
<br />
But knowing how often we put the mundane ahead of what ignites us, allowing ourselves to feel passion like this—to escape for 30 minutes or a whole day of satisfaction and joy—seems essential to our sanity and sense of well being.<br />
<br />
The laundry can wait. A microwave dinner won't kill anyone.<br />
<br />
So go start your affair. And let yourself remember what it feels like to be alive. <br />
<br />
<i>If you're a fan of Elizabeth Gilbert, I highly recommend that you <a href="http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/magic-lessons/" target="_blank">download this podcast series</a>. The episodes are short and a complete delight to listen to. This post is based on episode 7. </i><br />
<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-24465499436183038552015-09-28T22:20:00.000-07:002015-09-28T22:20:12.575-07:00A Love Letter to Your Body<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-If2tPOeQGW0/Vgob2TL2v7I/AAAAAAAAFo8/URP2EhcYZEQ/s1600/LLQuote_Sept15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-If2tPOeQGW0/Vgob2TL2v7I/AAAAAAAAFo8/URP2EhcYZEQ/s320/LLQuote_Sept15.jpg" width="277" /></a></div>
For the past two years, I've been sending out a <a href="http://www.thepathtowonderful.com/p/inspiration.html" target="_blank">Love Letter</a> to any sweet soul who craves a bit of <a href="http://www.thepathtowonderful.com/p/inspiration.html" target="_blank">free adoration</a> in their email inbox each month. I've never published one to anybody outside of the subscriber list, but I thought I'd share this month's because it hits on something I think we've all struggled with at some point: body love.<br />
<br />
Without further adieu, a love letter to you...<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46239"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46238"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46237">Dearest,</span></span></span><br />
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46236"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46235"><br />
I was talking with a client a few weeks ago when she confessed to using
some really nasty self talk around her body. “Get your fat ass on the
treadmill” was one of her meanest mantras. <i>Big self-bully</i>. Not the way a
girl should speak any body, let alone her own body.<br />
<br />
Together, she and I came up with a script of much kinder words that would
ultimately be more supportive of her goal to get in better shape.<br />
<br />
The session with her got me thinking about how we talk to ourselves. And
because I think all of us could probably use a little self love, this
month’s letter is dedicated to </span></span><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46236"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46235">your body.<br />
<br />
I want you to remember why you should adore the skin you’re in. I want to remind you why you’re lovable from head to toe.<br />
<br />
<strong id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46270"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46269">Dearest you, I love your body because of…</span></strong><br />
<br />
<em id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46273">Your hair that, at one point or another, has served as a playground for someone’s fingers<br />
<br />
Your eyes that not only take in the world around them, but see when someone is hurting and encourage you to reach out<br />
</em><br />
<em id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46274">Your ears that tune themselves
to the needs of friends and family members, listen to laughter, sorrows
and secrets, and sometimes lend a lobe for nibbling<br />
<br />
Your mouth that speaks its truth and bites it tongue; that relishes the
pleasures of a good meal or glass of wine; and that, hopefully, has
stolen more than a few kisses over time<br />
<br />
Your neck that holds your head up high, turns your face away from people
who don’t deserve your time, and bends gently in the direction of those
who do</em><br />
<br />
<em id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46275">Your shoulders that bear the
proverbial weight of your world, but that also serve as a contact point
for you and strangers you pass on the street—a reminder that we’re all
in this together </em></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46236"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46235"><em id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46275"> </em></span></span><br /><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46236"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46235"><em id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46275">Your
back that has encased that powerful backbone of yours, helping you
stand up straight, stand up for yourself and sometimes give piggybacks
to eager riders<br />
<br />
Your belly that has flexed in hysterical giggles, swelled in the
afterglow of Thanksgiving dinner, possibly protruded with the growth of a
little one, and blessed you with more than one instinctive gut feelings</em><br />
<br />
<em id="yui_3_16_0_1_1443376933749_46295">Your hips that may have been a
cradle for lovers, a channel for children, and their own beatbox,
bumping back and forth to your favorite songs on the dance floor,
spreading joy with every single shake<br />
<br />
Your knees that have supported you in everything from pulling weeds in
your garden to praying at a mighty altar to kneeling at a humble bedside<br />
<br />
Your feet, that have held their ground even when you wanted to run, and
carried you through life even when you weren’t certain which step to
take next</em><br />
<br />
Your body is magnificent.<br />
<br />
It is a work of art that chronicles every day of your life so far. Its
scars are badges of honor. Its divots and curves, signs of growth. Its
lines, indicators of experience.<br />
<br />
I love it.<br />
All of it.<br />
<br />
I hope you do, too.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span>XXOO,</span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2q5-RYxJ9T0/VgodJi42TFI/AAAAAAAAFpI/OZIHsbYPoC0/s1600/MM_sig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="58" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2q5-RYxJ9T0/VgodJi42TFI/AAAAAAAAFpI/OZIHsbYPoC0/s200/MM_sig.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-51570424799386224472015-09-07T08:42:00.001-07:002015-09-07T08:42:15.445-07:00Just a Suggestion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WI76oUVEzqU/Ve2v4_kPeCI/AAAAAAAAFns/eUMCWFoaadI/s1600/best%2Bof.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WI76oUVEzqU/Ve2v4_kPeCI/AAAAAAAAFns/eUMCWFoaadI/s640/best%2Bof.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-26387428947133411722015-09-01T22:20:00.000-07:002015-09-01T22:20:24.262-07:00Is It Time for a Full Reset?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-69aklo4jrkk/VeZ6XO4iLAI/AAAAAAAAFnU/ahvPcQsekoU/s1600/IMG_2019.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-69aklo4jrkk/VeZ6XO4iLAI/AAAAAAAAFnU/ahvPcQsekoU/s640/IMG_2019.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
My laptop has been acting a bit wonky lately. Last week, the little battery charge icon got a scary X through it and wouldn't recharge when I plugged it in. A quick Google search revealed that the battery didn't just need to be recharged—it needed to be reset. I had to power down, pull out the battery, push some buttons, say some prayers, do 10 jumping jacks, and then replace everything and wait to see if the battery would go back to recharging.<br />
<br />
It worked.<br />
<br />
And it made me think about our own batteries. The ones that power our sense of well-being.<br />
<br />
Most of us try to regularly recharge our batteries with naps or stolen moments reading magazines or watching <i>The Bachelor</i> with girlfriends. But like my laptop, I think most of us are in major need of full-blow battery resets.<br />
<br />
<b>What would resetting your battery look like for you? </b><br />
<br />
What would you do to escape, power down, and shut off before you had to get back at it?<br />
<br />
My husband and I slipped away for two days of camping and hiking earlier this week and it was the perfect way to reset. Breathing the pine-scented air, working up a sweat on the trails, eating s'mores—all of it was the exact kind of restoration we needed. And while we were away, my laptop battery got to enjoy a nice, long nap.<br />
<br />
<b>How can you give yourself a restoration reset sooner than later?</b><br />
<br />
Doing whatever it takes might be the key to turning yourself into an energy powerhouse.<br />
<br />
<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-67885537929786753342015-07-29T20:24:00.001-07:002015-07-29T20:24:58.469-07:00Where Your Truest Wisdom Lies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JnuqQNYO08Y/VbmYq2SeKlI/AAAAAAAAFhw/zUBYPLlTRtQ/s1600/Listen%2Bto%2BYour%2BHeart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JnuqQNYO08Y/VbmYq2SeKlI/AAAAAAAAFhw/zUBYPLlTRtQ/s640/Listen%2Bto%2BYour%2BHeart.jpg" width="524" /></a></div>
<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-6955224468240072082015-07-21T14:51:00.000-07:002015-07-21T14:51:45.350-07:00There Is No "Right" Order. Your Path Is Your Path. <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SPfSTcO5CZ8/Va62zpzKVDI/AAAAAAAAFhY/YhrFJ3fccVM/s1600/IMG_1559.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SPfSTcO5CZ8/Va62zpzKVDI/AAAAAAAAFhY/YhrFJ3fccVM/s640/IMG_1559.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Having your ducks in a row doesn't necessarily mean they have to be in a particular sequence.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I was talking with a friend recently and she confessed to struggling with some exciting news because it was taking place "in the wrong order." I asked her what the "right order" was and she rattled off a series of life events that society loves to teach us we're supposed to follow. (Education! Dating! Job! Perfect Relationship! Marriage! House! Baby! Promotion! Travel! Retirement! Grandkids! Golf.)<br />
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The reality of the "perfect" series it that sometimes, it's just not realistic.<br />
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Life lessons happen. Breakups and makeups happen. People get divorced and remarried.
Unexpected pregnancies pop up—sometimes before marriage or any sort of real commitment. We leave and go back to jobs. Sometimes on our hands and knees. Some of us don't find our dream careers until we're 70. <br />
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We're all on different rides.<br />
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Some people's life events take place in one particular order, others' skip and repeat certain steps. Neither is right or wrong. <br />
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There are no rules. There is no "right."<br />
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<b>There's only the answer to this question: Are you happy? </b><br />
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If you're genuinely happy, it doesn't matter what order things fall into place. It doesn't matter if you have to take a re-do on a relationship or a job or an attempt at discovering the cure for unwanted facial hair.<br />
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<b>Being happy is THE thing.</b><br />
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The stories we tell ourselves about what order things need to occur are just limiting beliefs. The kind of beliefs that can rob us of our happiness, when we're ripe to be feeling it.<br />
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Besides that—if our life timelines unfolded in a different order or how we thought they were supposed to, we might not even get to the opportunities we have today to be happy. We might be on very different paths, tethered by some life event doctrines that are just a bunch of hooey.<br />
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Forget the order. Do what makes you happy and don't beat yourself up when you have to take a do-over.<br />
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It's your ride, my friend. <br />
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<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-2732737114928831572015-07-07T09:46:00.000-07:002015-07-07T09:46:10.256-07:00Your Life, Magnificently Revealed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-66109665723234569172015-06-30T15:43:00.000-07:002015-06-30T15:43:43.623-07:00If Your Life Is Feeling Unbalanced, You Might Just Need to Adjust Your Eyes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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During the past few months in my Monday night yoga class, we've been working on mastering some poses that involve standing on one leg. <i>The eagle pose. Hand-to-big toe. The dancer's pose. </i>Although I'm relatively skilled at holding my body steady, I have been known to topple over. Even when holding poses that require both feet on the ground... <br />
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"Remember your drishti," my teacher reminds us as she passes between our mats.<br />
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"Drishti" is a Sanskrit word that describes a focusing point. By letting your gaze rest on a particular point, it's much easier to hold your balance.<br />
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In class, I've found that zeroing in on knots in the floorboards seems to work better for me than trying to find drishtis on the wall.<br />
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<b>It's not just about finding <i>a</i> focusing point, it's about finding <i>the right one</i>.</b><br />
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Outside of class, this also rings true.<br />
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Maintaining balance in our personal lives depends on finding the right points of focus.<br />
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We can put our attention on certain tasks or circumstances or emotions and feel like we're going to crash headfirst into the floor every day. Yet, if we shift our gaze to other aspects of our lives, we find our balanced stances so much easier to hold; harmony so much easier to come by.<br />
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When I consider where my drishtis should fall on a daily basis, I think about things like gratitude, abundance, love and communion with nature. Those are the focuses that keep me strong, no matter how many toes I have gripping the ground.<br />
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<b>What are the focusing points that make you feel most balanced? And what can you do to keep your eye trained in their direction? </b>Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-55998046167140081392015-05-20T22:50:00.001-07:002015-05-20T22:50:14.781-07:00Sometimes a Little Sun on Your Face Makes All the Difference<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x5OZ-hLMwTY/VV1l_c37LMI/AAAAAAAAFX8/1APCqeQbYxE/s1600/IMG_1633.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x5OZ-hLMwTY/VV1l_c37LMI/AAAAAAAAFX8/1APCqeQbYxE/s640/IMG_1633.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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I took this photo last month while visiting Gruyére, Switzerland. My husband and I were trailing up a gravel path toward the castle when I saw this woman standing at the railing with her face turned toward the sun. She kept her eyes closed as we approached—never breaking away from the moment and the sky, not realizing that I had secretly snapped her picture. As we passed, I noticed she was holding a bouquet of wildflowers loosely behind her back.<br />
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She could have just been enjoying a beautiful day, practicing mindfulness and gratitude, soaking up the sun and collecting flowers.<br />
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She could have been emerging from a walk on the shadowed, chillier side of the castle, and needing to warm her cooled skin. <br />
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Or she could have been taking flowers to one of the graves in the cemetery down the hill. She could have been feeling sad or nostalgic, thinking of a lost loved one.<br />
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It's amazing how sometimes when life hurts, something as simple as feeling the sun on your face can remind you that things are going to be okay. That there is warmth and light around you, in spite of whatever darkness you might feel. <br />
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We're fortunate to have small pleasures to count on.<br />
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The smell of wildflowers. The sound of gravel crunching under our feet. The feeling of sun on our cheeks. And sometimes the sight of a stranger, not meaning to but, reminding us that comforts like this can make all the difference.<br />
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<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-61364149946881252532015-04-07T21:30:00.002-07:002015-04-07T21:30:50.360-07:00Gratituesday: New Beginnings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UVsXJBlYPKU/VSSuuydQ83I/AAAAAAAAFVk/77ZdYMSlJWU/s1600/birds%2Bwho%2Btrust%2Bus.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UVsXJBlYPKU/VSSuuydQ83I/AAAAAAAAFVk/77ZdYMSlJWU/s1600/birds%2Bwho%2Btrust%2Bus.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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Aren't we lucky to witness, over and over again,</div>
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the renewals of spring? </div>
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The new beginnings that take place right in the trees</div>
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in our backyards, filled with unwavering trust. </div>
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So grateful for those. And for sweet baby birds. </div>
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Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-76548481135906750702015-03-23T23:04:00.000-07:002015-03-23T23:04:39.167-07:00What Does Living Look Like?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I visited a friend who is in the final stages of a battle with pancreatic cancer.<br />
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Like the <a href="http://www.ourlifeofwonderful.blogspot.com/2012/04/for-love-of-pete.html" target="_blank">other dear friends</a> I've had to say goodbye to too soon, she is much to young to die. It makes me wonder what sort of balance is out of skew in the Universe. How this could possibly be happening. Something feels so monumentally off when we lose people before their time.<br />
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It feels surreal and wrong.<br />
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And yet, it's the most powerful reminder for the rest of us how precious life is. <br />
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It made me think hard about what it means to really live.<br />
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What does that look like?<br />
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On the surface, it might look like pushing boundaries and taking risks; traveling to the ends of the earth to pack your days with an endless supply of experiences.<br />
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<b>But when I really think about what makes me feel alive, it's simply being connected to the moment. </b><br />
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For me, living—really sopping up every last drip of life—is so much more about what I'm feeling than what I'm doing. I'm living when I connect with people, when I connect with nature, when I connect with a beautiful song or a blazing sunset. It's about presence and gratitude. Being grounded in an experience, rather than having a wild one. <br />
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I thought about what I would do if I knew I had only a short time to live, and that was the answer: focus on being connected to everything and every second.<br />
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I wouldn't have to race to see the countries I haven't seen. I wouldn't have to load every day with as many social interactions as possible. I would just have to plug in to the present. <br />
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The good news is, I can do this now. I can work at this every day so that whenever my final day arrives, there will be no question that I lived. <br />
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Today, for me, living looked like blowing off work for half the day to drive to LA. It was about being present on the highway as the cloudless sky and teal spans of ocean passed by outside my window. It was about sitting at the bedside of my friend, touching her arm and telling her stories, as she winds down this life and starts the transition into the next.<br />
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It was about feeling everything that came with that situation. The overwhelming sadness mixed with the immeasurable appreciation of knowing my friend, even if it will be for far fewer days than I'd prefer. <br />
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<b>When you think about living your life to the fullest, what does it look like for you?</b><br />
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<br />Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-70299700898210153592015-03-12T13:01:00.000-07:002015-03-12T13:01:11.071-07:00How's Your Personal Foundation Holding Up?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4TvY4-oXbxI/VP-XuPMFCsI/AAAAAAAAFRk/lhGU-a_eIC0/s1600/IMG_1409.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4TvY4-oXbxI/VP-XuPMFCsI/AAAAAAAAFRk/lhGU-a_eIC0/s1600/IMG_1409.JPG" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
My husband and I are in the process of adding a bathroom and some extra square footage to our master bedroom, and just about every step of the construction process has me thinking about how building a house is just like building a life. <br />
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The foundation, of course, is one of the most important parts.<br />
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Ours required design drawings by an engineer and an inspection by a county expert. Everything that went into those key support walls had to be perfect. Or else the house could fall in on top of us.<br />
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If only construction of our own personal foundations followed the same protocols.<br />
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<b>What would an engineer tell you that you had to have at your core to keep you feeling solid?</b><br />
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<b>What would an inspector insist that you couldn't skimp on, lest you cause your own walls to come crashing in on you?</b><br />
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Without the right foundations, we're just not equipped to weather life's storms, stay strong when we're tired, or hold it together on those days when the weight of the roof feels so darn heavy.<br />
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Everything rests on the foundations we build.<br />
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If I had to sketch up a structural rendering of mine, it would include things like time in nature, laughter, affection, rest, education, and really delicious food. Those are just a snapshot of what I need to keep myself sturdy in the world.<br />
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<b>What would you use to build your foundation? And is it intact right now or do you need to fill some cracks? </b>Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-33217382251899800142015-03-10T22:27:00.000-07:002015-03-10T22:27:29.797-07:00Gratituesday: Simple Adventures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Aren't we lucky to have a gazillion activities in life that feel like adventures? </div>
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I'm so grateful for the big ones—exploring new cities, climbing mountains, <a href="http://www.thepathtowonderful.com/2015/02/how-to-relax-when-you-cant-relax.html" target="_blank">flying in helicopters</a>.</div>
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But oh how I love the small ones, too. Like the first time I ate a raw oyster.</div>
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Adventure at its finest.</div>
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What are you grateful for today?</div>
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Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-16886762299472173402015-03-02T20:57:00.001-08:002015-03-02T20:57:56.483-08:00Accept What Is and You'll Just Keep Swimming<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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What you resist persists. </div>
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But when you accept what is, you gain the ability to swim in the deepest of waters. </div>
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Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3440611076746008551.post-21339073157679649402015-02-24T12:00:00.000-08:002015-02-24T12:00:03.004-08:00Gratituesday: Orchids<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Aren't we lucky to have orchids? </div>
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Nothing brightens up a desk quite like them. </div>
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I love how they look like little ladies walking up and down branches. </div>
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Or maybe flocks of butterflies. </div>
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So grateful for these flowers. </div>
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What are you grateful for today? </div>
Melissa Marishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15216312159880277204noreply@blogger.com0