Thursday, August 28, 2014

Start With "Nearly Right" to Get to "Just Right"

I for one don't believe that getting what you want in life is a big mystery.

As I've explained in past posts, blending together a careful mixture of clarity, consciousness, confidence, and commitment can shift the energy of the Universe and bring what you want right into your realm of possibility.

But what if you're stuck with the first step? What if you're at a point where you feel deeply that you want something different, but you're not at all clear on what that new thing looks like?

Start with what you know. 

If it's a romantic relationship and you've had others before, think about the one that made you the happiest. Or the guy who was closest to the one you'd love to have in your future. Use him (and even the others who didn't rank as high as he did) as a starting point for the clarity you want to achieve.

You can do the same thing with a job or a home or a faithful shopping companion. Start with the one that was "nearly right" and use it to create clarity around what you want next.

If you're hankering for something you've never had, use other people as your models. Collect information and build a possibility portfolio.

Once you have the *close to* in mind, fill in this blank repeatedly until you have a fleshed out picture of what you want:

I'd like a {boyfriend/girlfriend/job/house/car/friendship} that/who is ________ like ________ but with ____________. 

So, for example, you might say "I'd like a boyfriend who is really smart like Paul but with a sillier side."

If you want to kick up the clarification even more, add another "like" at the end.

"I'd like a boyfriend who is really smart like Paul but with a sillier side like Daniel."

It may feel like you're playing Dr. Frankenstein, but if piecing together different attributes from different people or situations helps you get a clear picture of your ultimate desire, it's worth heading into the operating room!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

You Are Enough

Let yourself be who you were born to be. You may not be for everyone, but the people who matter will come around.

Monday, August 11, 2014

One-Minute Meditation: The Waters of Glacier Bay

It's been quite awhile since I last posted a one-minute meditation video, so I thought you stressed-out souls out there might enjoy this footage from our recent trip to Alaska. It's a look at the beautiful, serene waters of Glacier Bay National Park. If you're a nature and water lover like myself, you should also check out my good friend Mary Beth Leisen's recent endeavor Honor the Waters.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Problem-Solving With Dating Analogies

A friend of mine reached out to me last week, struggling with a decision about whether to continue pursuing a job she'd interviewed for. She said parts of the interview process were making her feel like she was digesting glass, but she thought she should really try for the position because it would make a good "bridge job" that could connect her to smart people and future opportunities.

"That's like dating a guy who makes you feel sick to your stomach just because he has really cool friends you think you might want to date someday," I told her.

She loved the analogy and suddenly I realized that just about everything can be likened to (and solved by thinking about) dating.

Stop rolling your eyes and hear me out...

The process of dating is generally one where you're trying to find someone who really fits with you. Someone who makes you feel great and who you adore right back. At its core, dating is about the quest for love—which I believe should be at the center of everything in your universe.

Picking a job shouldn't be much different than picking a potential mate. The ultimate goal is to find the right one.

Your relationship with money can easily be compared to a love relationship, too. At a workshop I attended, master money coach Nona Jordan encouraged us to consider how we relate to our money—as though we were relating to a human being. Do you ignore it and make it feel neglected? Are you all over its case, not trusting it to exist on its own? Or do you coexist with it joyfully, allowing it to enhance your life?

Your health and body choices are another topic ripe for analogies. You wouldn't tell your date his thighs looked chunky (nor would you want him saying that to you). You wouldn't encourage him to scarf down an entire half gallon of ice cream—or skip dessert for the rest of his life because his butt was too big. Caring for yourself should line right up with the kind of care you'd want to feel coming from your dream suitor. 

If I spend enough time pondering this, I might be able to come up with some correlation to dating for every situation under the sun....

As my friend and I were wrapping up our exchange about her job situation, she said, "Maybe I should just take the position even though it's giving me the icks."

"You're going to get in bed with a guy who grosses you out, just so you can get laid?" I don't think so.

Somehow framing my friend's dilemma in the context of dating made her decision become clear.

Next time you're making a choice or caught up in worry or criticism, take a minute to ask yourself what you'd be doing if you were in the dating world. It might help you get back on track to love and fulfillment.