Thursday, July 26, 2012

Tending Your Soil

My Mr. Wonderful is more of a plant obstetrician than he is a gardener. I'm not sure I've ever witnessed someone put so much care into delivering fauna babies and creating optimal conditions for growth. This year, he bought a special heating pad to keep his seedlings warm as they pushed their little sprouts up through the dirt. I had no idea such things even existed. And each time we dig up our vegetables and plant new ones for the season, he makes sure we till the soil, adding just the right amount of manure, gypsum, and bone meal.

Imagine if we all put so much care into the tending of our personal lives. 

What would you need to create the optimal conditions for your own growth? Maybe a support group to help nurture you as you forged ahead. Or some stillness in the sunshine to get you good and rooted in your sense of self. Perhaps a little food for your mind and soul.

I know my Mr. W probably makes a shopping list of the elements he needs to cultivate a healthy garden. What would happen if you made a list of the elements you feel you need most?

Give it a try. It might help you put your finger on the nutrients you're lacking and send you into a season of blossoming like you've never known.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Careful What You "Wish" For

I can remember playing lots of games of Go Fish as a kid and triumphantly squealing, "I fished my wish!" whenever I drew my desired card from the "fishing" pile. What a feeling it was to get the card I wanted most. That phrase sticks with me to this day.

Anytime the Universe seems to deliver on what I want, I find myself thinking, "I fished my wish!"

Like last week, I was at dinner with old coworkers and I mentioned how I would love to get lots more work from Client X because I just adore them and feel comfortable writing for them. I didn't get specific. I didn't ask to have more work from them when my regular workload was more manageable. I didn't mention balance or type of work I most wanted to do. I just put the desire out there and the next thing I knew, the Universe was delivering.

Three of my contacts at Company X emailed me this week to see if I could take on assignments for them. Which, unfortunately turned out to be a little stressful as I already had a lot going on.

The Universe doesn't fill in these fantastic little details for us. It just delivers on those things where focus our attention and energy.

And sometimes, those things are exactly what we don't want.

One of the classic examples of this happening in my life was back in 2004 when I was in a dating dry spell. I don't know how many times I complained to friends, "I'm going to be single FOREVER," "I'm never going to find a BOYFRIEND," and (sorry, Mom) I'm NEVER having sex again!" That last one seemed to get uttered the most. And guess what—I didn't get any action for an entire year.

Every time I put my focus on the things I wasn't getting—even though I wanted them so badly—the Universe said, "I hear ya!" and kept delivering more of what I was "asking" for.

It was like going fishing and hooking the same old boot on my line over and over again.

Anytime I seem to forget the importance of mindful focus and specificity around what I want, I get taught the same lesson. Last week was a great reminder that I need to be more careful about what I wish for.

Is there anything you've been "asking for" lately that the Universe has delivered?

Monday, July 16, 2012

Enough is Enough

Can you fill in the blanks here?

I don't deserve _________ because I'm not _________ enough.

If you struggled with this because you absolutely know you deserve whatever occupies that first blank space, congratulations to you. You're on the path to good stuff and I kind of want to high-five you.

If you were able to come up with one, two or more answers that represent things you truly want but don't think you're "enough" to get, you're out of alignment with what you desire from the Universe. And that's all well and fine, unless you're hoping to bring those blanks into existence sooner than later.

Let's say for example that you believe you don't deserve the love of your life because your bank account isn't full enough. Chances are, you're going to prove yourself right. Your belief (or lack thereof) is a force of nature that will sync up—or align—with what it is most like...i.e. you not meeting your Mr. Wonderful.

Consider changing the scenario you've connected to the thing you want.

Miraculous things happen to normal people all the time. The possibilities in this life are endless. And lucky you, you don't need a miracle—you just need a mindset change. There is a guy out there who will love you even if your finances are a mess. In fact, maybe he's the type who totally digs planning fun, free adventures that will enable you to save money and pay off your credit card debt. The more creative you can get in the way you spin your desired scenarios, the more likely they'll be to magically occur.

You just have to believe you are enough to deserve them. 

And you are.

So why not let that mind of yours run wild until it stumbles upon the perfect situation for you where you are right now—not two years into the future when you might be "enough."

Find your enough-ness today and switch your focus from a lack to a lock that secures your alignment with your best-case scenario.

Repeat after me: I am more than enough.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Letting Go of What You Want Most

In 2005 I wanted a freelance copywriting job more than just about anything in the world (except maybe a boyfriend). I pounded the Internet and toiled and networked and whipped myself into a ball of stress and just couldn't seem to bring what I wanted to fruition. I was a failing manifester. And after 2 months of trying, I gave up.

I decided to let it go and apply for a job at a coffeehouse. I was tired of feeling stressed—I wanted to relax and have fun. So as my last hurrah I decided to spend my dwindling savings on a trip to Disneyland.

Of course, the night I came home from The Happiest Place on Earth, there were 3 messages on my answering machine all for desirable freelance writing positions.

What I wanted came to me only after I let go of it. 

I've seen this phenomenon (which isn't really a phenomenon, but rather just the way things work, I think) occur time and time again in my life. As soon as I release my grip, I get what I desire.

That's the thing about the Universe. It doesn't respond to tight grips. It doesn't respond to will. It aligns with intention. It syncs with certainty.

The space of wanting is often tethered to an underlying feeling of lack. You want something because you don't already have it. But when you focus on that want—that lack of having—you perpetuate the thing's nonexistence. You assert to the Universe that the job, love, house, salad spinner of your dreams is missing from your life. And the Universe responds with YES it IS missing from your life! You're right! It keeps giving you what you keep your attention on.

Letting go releases the energy block. It clears your slate and can open up space to (stealing a line from Eat, Pray, Love) let the Universe rush in.  

When I lost my job in the autumn of last year, I again found myself hoping I'd find a freelance copywriting position. I dreamed of working from my couch or dining room table. I pictured freedom and a change from my previous daily grind. But I also thought, "Maybe I'll wait to really even start looking until after the New Year."

There was no clenching of fists. There was no trying to force the Universe to obey me with voodoo magic. There was an idea that came and sort of went into hibernation as I worked on other projects and enjoyed my time off. And the third week of January, I received a call from a virtual marketing company who wanted me to freelance on a semi-permanent basis for them, from home.

I had let go and what I wanted had landed right in my hands.

What are you hanging onto that could be holding you back from getting what you ultimately want most?

Monday, July 2, 2012

Celebrating Your Independence

In 2009, I spent six weeks visiting my Mr. Wonderful in Europe while he was working on a project outside of London. Despite the fact that we were in a relationship, the trip was a big test of my independence. While Mr. W was at work during the day, I was left to my own devices and had to quickly get used to being my own best company.

Prior to meeting Mr. W, I had gotten pretty darn good at flying solo—hiking, running, seeing movies and even buying my car with no supporter at my side. Even when I did stuff with girlfriends (like climbing Half Dome) the experiences carried a sense of self accomplishment different from what they would have if they'd taken place with a lover or spouse.

Back then, the things I did on my own enriched my character in a way that not only made me feel good about who I was but also seemed to make me more desirable to the male faction.

Be and do what you want to attract, right? A strong woman who is faithful to her sense of self will attract a strong man who is equally faithful.

But what I realized when I got deeper into dating Mr. W (and see again now as his wife) is that maintaining independent strength is always good practice. If you don't flex those muscles every now and then, they will start to atrophy.

A married friend of mine and I recently compared notes and decided that we had some natural tendencies to defer to our men when it came to certain things. Being the passenger in the car more often than not was one of our examples, and when I thought about it, the single girl inside me flew into a slight panic. I don't want to become dependent on another person! Even if it's just in the car!

The truth is, however, that independence is often just a state of mind. 

I can rely on other people and still hang on to my autonomy. It all boils down to the way I frame the story in my mind.

I don't regret that my shaky story on self-sufficiency prompted me to dine alone at a swanky Argentinian restaurant on the Thames during that 2009 trip. Even though my arms were covered in goosebumps from the river breeze, and my nose was buried in a book throughout most of my lunch, I rather enjoyed myself.

And maybe it's these instances that fuel my ability to tell myself different stories now. Even when my Mr. W is at the wheel.

Maybe our independence is a constant cycle of experiences informing self assessment informing experiences.

Kinda makes me want to take myself out to a nice solo dinner.