Moving Forward by Letting Go

Untethering from the past gives us the freedom to move. To run, to dance, to fly into the future that is waiting for us.

We Hold the Keys to All That Keeps Us Shackled

Scrapping Our Best-Laid Plans

Hendry's Beach, Santa Barbara CA - January 1, 2013

Like so many other people in the world, January sparks a yearning inside me to make plans.

I can't remember how many years I've been doing it now, but somewhere around the holidays, I sit down and create a big to-do list for the coming 365 days—just so I'm clear on all I intend to get done.  

The funny thing is, the plans always change. 

This week I was looking over last year's list—and my big plans to finish writing the novel I started and visit certain restaurants and save a chunk of money in 2012. It would be very easy for me to feel like a failure for not crossing those things off my list. But I know that in their place, some even more miraculous things occurred.

In fact, nothing really turned out like I thought it would at the onset of 2012. But as I enter 2013, I have a new house, new friends, and exciting new endeavors in my life that are probably more delightful and exciting than finishing that book or visiting that one restaurant would have ever been.

I was reminded on New Year's Day of how wonderful it can be when your plans fall apart. My husband and I were on our way to a beach in Santa Barbara with another couple when their car died. Neither of us had jumper cables, so we had to find an auto supply shop and drive in the opposite direction of the beach to go buy them. Needless to say, it wasn't how we had envisioned the day playing out.

But when we finally made our way to the coast, we were met with one of the most incredible sunsets I've ever seen. Had we gotten there earlier, we might not have stayed long enough to see it.

When leave wiggle room in our plans and surrender to the Universe's unexpected changes, we often get results that are much more spectacular than they ever would have been under our sole control.

I have to say, it was the perfect way to start out a new year.  

But I'm still going to sit down and make my list for 2013. Just so I have something to compare the wonderful twists and turns to in December. 

What unanticipated shifts in plans have left you pleasantly surprised lately? 

Life Beyond Tunnel Vision

When you're a decisive person (like I am) it's really easy to find yourself fixated on one idea of how things SHOULD work out for you. If you're a planner or a dreamer or a manifester, you probably spend lots of time mentally and physically sketching out your desired scenario, and when you think it begins to present itself, you want to hold onto it like a bass fisherman reeling in his biggest catch.

I did this more than once when I found a guy I liked. Particularly, Mr. Perfect-on-Paper. I was so convinced that he was the ONLY guy who would ever so precisely fit my criteria, I dug my fingernails in and put my man blinders on, pretty much the minute I met him.

Gripping one outcome so tightly not only has a tendency to energetically repel what you desire, it can also close you off to opportunity and hope.

I don't know if it was my desperate grasping that drove away Mr. P-o-P, or if he would have moved on no matter what, but I do know that my tunnel vision deprived me of being hopeful for quite awhile.

Believing there was only one way things SHOULD have worked out left me completely defeated when they didn't. 

I had a chance to re-learn this lesson last week when, in the midst of escrow on a house in Santa Ynez, my Mr. W and I hit a few bumps. My immediate reaction was to hold on tight and feel scared and sad that we might lose our dream home. But then I had the fortune of stumbling onto our real estate agent's website, and as I began looking at other options in the area, I felt renewed confidence that everything was going to work out.

I realized that I had been thinking things were supposed to go only one way, but maybe the Universe had something different in mind. Something better. Something I wasn't capable of understanding yet.

I loosened my grasp and opened my eyes wider to let new possibilities come into my line of vision.

The funny thing was—as soon as I let go, things started moving more smoothly with the original plan. 

Great lesson on having faith in the process.

Letting Go of What You Want Most

In 2005 I wanted a freelance copywriting job more than just about anything in the world (except maybe a boyfriend). I pounded the Internet and toiled and networked and whipped myself into a ball of stress and just couldn't seem to bring what I wanted to fruition. I was a failing manifester. And after 2 months of trying, I gave up.

I decided to let it go and apply for a job at a coffeehouse. I was tired of feeling stressed—I wanted to relax and have fun. So as my last hurrah I decided to spend my dwindling savings on a trip to Disneyland.

Of course, the night I came home from The Happiest Place on Earth, there were 3 messages on my answering machine all for desirable freelance writing positions.

What I wanted came to me only after I let go of it. 

I've seen this phenomenon (which isn't really a phenomenon, but rather just the way things work, I think) occur time and time again in my life. As soon as I release my grip, I get what I desire.

That's the thing about the Universe. It doesn't respond to tight grips. It doesn't respond to will. It aligns with intention. It syncs with certainty.

The space of wanting is often tethered to an underlying feeling of lack. You want something because you don't already have it. But when you focus on that want—that lack of having—you perpetuate the thing's nonexistence. You assert to the Universe that the job, love, house, salad spinner of your dreams is missing from your life. And the Universe responds with YES it IS missing from your life! You're right! It keeps giving you what you keep your attention on.

Letting go releases the energy block. It clears your slate and can open up space to (stealing a line from Eat, Pray, Love) let the Universe rush in.  

When I lost my job in the autumn of last year, I again found myself hoping I'd find a freelance copywriting position. I dreamed of working from my couch or dining room table. I pictured freedom and a change from my previous daily grind. But I also thought, "Maybe I'll wait to really even start looking until after the New Year."

There was no clenching of fists. There was no trying to force the Universe to obey me with voodoo magic. There was an idea that came and sort of went into hibernation as I worked on other projects and enjoyed my time off. And the third week of January, I received a call from a virtual marketing company who wanted me to freelance on a semi-permanent basis for them, from home.

I had let go and what I wanted had landed right in my hands.

What are you hanging onto that could be holding you back from getting what you ultimately want most?