My #1 Sanity Saver for 2017

I saw a statistic on the morning news today about how a record number of Americans are currently suffering from stress, depression, and anxiety. Though I found this dismaying, I didn't find it surprising. Because, on and off, I've been one of those Americans.

Toward the end of last year, I found myself trying to stay afloat amidst waves of stress, frustration, and pessimism about the world at large. My day job was getting on my last nerve. My patience at home was as thin as ever. When I looked around myself, I saw unfinished projects, an uncertain future, an unstable country.

So when the New Year arrived, I decided to resurrect my favorite mood-altering habit: writing in a daily gratitude journal.

It was working okay, but after hearing about a new, more structured gratitude journal while listening to a podcast, my husband challenged me to up my game. He bought each of us a copy of The Five-Minute Journal and dove right into it with his signature gusto. I, on the other hand, resisted the new book. I thought my old methods were just fine—I didn't need some fancy new fill-in-the-blanks book to help me craft my practice.

Oh, how very wrong I was.

People, this book is life-changing. And I'm not being dramatic. And I'm not getting compensated in any way to say this.

The journal truly does require only 5-10 minutes of your day. A quick entry in the morning, another at the end of the night, and you're done. But the transformation it can spark has been downright remarkable to me.

My stress levels feel lower than they have in probably a year. My optimism has returned. Though the future does still seem a little shaky to me, I see so much goodness when I look around the world.

I'm not saying everything is 100% rosy all of the time. I still have blips of overwhelm and frustration, but on the whole, I feel like a different person.

Shifting my focus to look for things I appreciate—it's magic. Opening and closing each day with gratitude—total path-paver to long-term happiness. And then the book has extras like weekly challenges and inspiring quotes that just crank the positivity dial even further in the right direction.

I've now gone on to purchase this book for more than one person and recommend it to pretty much anyone who will listen. I'll have to report back on others' results because I really am astonished by my own.

If you're looking for a way to save your sanity and change your outlook, I would highly recommend giving The Five-Minute Journal a shot. After all, a little gratitude never hurt anybody.

A Letter to My Nieces Who Are Starting College....and Anyone Else Who's Navigating a Big Change

Dearest Change Embarkers,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I can remember what it was like when I left for college as a transfer student and no one warned me about all the things I would feel. Oh, the feelings. So very, very many of them.

I remember thinking I hadn't ever cried so much in my life as I did those first six months of living away from home. There was so much uncertainty—would things ever feel comfortable again? would friends ever feel as close as the ones I'd grown up with? was my boyfriend being faithful? did the people at home miss me as much as I missed them?

The worry and the sadness and the stress that come with big changes are kind of a given. But even when you know they're coming, they can flatten you like an avalanche. It's hard to be prepared. 

And this is the thing that no one tells you: Feeling all those hard feelings—the growing pains that stretch the limits of what you've ever had to endure in the past—it means you're LIVING.

When the hurt feels deeper than maybe it ever has before—that means you're having a deeper human experience.

All that crying and worrying and wondering? It's a gift.

You're being given the gift of depth and breadth. The gift of a life that is more intense than some other people will ever experience. You're being given the chance to explore the spectrum of your own emotions.

And I promise that with those low lows will come high highs.

So if I could send you on your way with one little nugget of knowledge, it would be that.

That the sadness you're inevitably going to feel is an amazing opportunity in disguise. A chance to push the boundaries of yourself and your emotions.

So if you can, be a little grateful for it.

I guarantee that down the line, when you're looking back on this time, you'll view it with fondness and nostalgia. Not only because you'll have made it through—but because you were fortunate to have experienced it at all.

Love you lots and am sending all my good vibes with you as you set out on your journey.

Go live your great, big life. It's going to be amazing.

The Greatest Gift for Anyone (Including You)

Last fall, I made the well-meaning decision to write each person in my immediate family a gratitude letter for Christmas.

I wanted to let them know why I was thankful to have them in my life. I wanted to bring them joy.

Also, I wanted to bring myself joy...

Actually sitting down to write each of the 11 letters was more difficult than I thought it would be. It felt like SUCH an undertaking.

I mean, how do you accurately express to someone the many reasons you're grateful for them? 

Turns out, it didn't matter.

All that mattered was that I did my best. And the beauty of it was that each time I pounded the keyboard trying to find the right words to thank these people, it filled me with such a feeling of happiness and fortune. The knowledge of how lucky I am to know each of them came flooding back. (Let's face it: Sometimes, we just forget.)

When I gave each relative their envelope on Christmas, I got a little of the the-crazy-life-coach-is-at-it-again look. Yet, days later, they contacted me telling me how I'd brought tears to their eyes or made them laugh or just made them feel valued.

Those reactions and the process of writing the letters were both pretty much bullet trains to Dopamineville. 

I felt like the letters were not only the best Christmas presents I could have given my relatives, but also the best gift I could have given myself.

At a time of year when most of us have to turn to another glass of wine to help tolerate our families, it felt so much better to celebrate them instead.

So if you're looking for an extra way brighten up your holiday this year, try documenting the reasons you're grateful for someone. 

Gratitude will getcha every time.

Start Your 30 Days of Gratitude

Last Christmas, I wrote each person in my immediate family a gratitude letter, telling them all the reasons why I was thankful to have them in my life. I can't lie: It was a time-consuming process. But each letter made me fall in love with its recipient all over again. I felt overwhelmed with joy every time I completed one.

That's the magic of gratitude—even if it's directed at someone else, it elevates you, too. It fills your heart right along with filling theirs. And with so much chaos and suffering in the world, I think we can all stand for a little heart-filling these days.

Being that it's the month of Thanksgiving, now is a perfect time to start practicing gratitude. I'll even give ya a little head start...

Download my 30 Days of Gratitude worksheet, free.

Happy gratituding to you.

If Your Life Is Feeling Unbalanced, You Might Just Need to Adjust Your Eyes

During the past few months in my Monday night yoga class, we've been working on mastering some poses that involve standing on one leg. The eagle pose. Hand-to-big toe. The dancer's pose. Although I'm relatively skilled at holding my body steady, I have been known to topple over. Even when holding poses that require both feet on the ground...

"Remember your drishti," my teacher reminds us as she passes between our mats.

"Drishti" is a Sanskrit word that describes a focusing point. By letting your gaze rest on a particular point, it's much easier to hold your balance.

In class, I've found that zeroing in on knots in the floorboards seems to work better for me than trying to find drishtis on the wall.

It's not just about finding a focusing point, it's about finding the right one.

Outside of class, this also rings true.

Maintaining balance in our personal lives depends on finding the right points of focus.

We can put our attention on certain tasks or circumstances or emotions and feel like we're going to crash headfirst into the floor every day. Yet, if we shift our gaze to other aspects of our lives, we find our balanced stances so much easier to hold; harmony so much easier to come by.

When I consider where my drishtis should fall on a daily basis, I think about things like gratitude,  abundance, love and communion with nature. Those are the focuses that keep me strong, no matter how many toes I have gripping the ground.

What are the focusing points that make you feel most balanced? And what can you do to keep your eye trained in their direction?

Sometimes a Little Sun on Your Face Makes All the Difference

I took this photo last month while visiting Gruyére, Switzerland. My husband and I were trailing up a gravel path toward the castle when I saw this woman standing at the railing with her face turned toward the sun. She kept her eyes closed as we approached—never breaking away from the moment and the sky, not realizing that I had secretly snapped her picture. As we passed, I noticed she was holding a bouquet of wildflowers loosely behind her back.

She could have just been enjoying a beautiful day, practicing mindfulness and gratitude, soaking up the sun and collecting flowers.

She could have been emerging from a walk on the shadowed, chillier side of the castle, and needing to warm her cooled skin. 

Or she could have been taking flowers to one of the graves in the cemetery down the hill. She could have been feeling sad or nostalgic, thinking of a lost loved one.

It's amazing how sometimes when life hurts, something as simple as feeling the sun on your face can remind you that things are going to be okay. That there is warmth and light around you, in spite of whatever darkness you might feel.

We're fortunate to have small pleasures to count on.

The smell of wildflowers. The sound of gravel crunching under our feet. The feeling of sun on our cheeks. And sometimes the sight of a stranger, not meaning to but, reminding us that comforts like this can make all the difference.

Gratituesday: New Beginnings

Aren't we lucky to witness, over and over again,

the renewals of spring? 

The new beginnings that take place right in the trees

in our backyards, filled with unwavering trust. 

So grateful for those. And for sweet baby birds.

What Does Living Look Like?

Today I visited a friend who is in the final stages of a battle with pancreatic cancer.

Like the other dear friends I've had to say goodbye to too soon, she is much to young to die. It makes me wonder what sort of balance is out of skew in the Universe. How this could possibly be happening. Something feels so monumentally off when we lose people before their time.

It feels surreal and wrong.

And yet, it's the most powerful reminder for the rest of us how precious life is. 

It made me think hard about what it means to really live.

What does that look like?

On the surface, it might look like pushing boundaries and taking risks; traveling to the ends of the earth to pack your days with an endless supply of experiences.

But when I really think about what makes me feel alive, it's simply being connected to the moment. 

For me, living—really sopping up every last drip of life—is so much more about what I'm feeling than what I'm doing. I'm living when I connect with people, when I connect with nature, when I connect with a beautiful song or a blazing sunset. It's about presence and gratitude. Being grounded in an experience, rather than having a wild one.

I thought about what I would do if I knew I had only a short time to live, and that was the answer: focus on being connected to everything and every second.

I wouldn't have to race to see the countries I haven't seen. I wouldn't have to load every day with as many social interactions as possible. I would just have to plug in to the present. 

The good news is, I can do this now. I can work at this every day so that whenever my final day arrives, there will be no question that I lived.

Today, for me, living looked like blowing off work for half the day to drive to LA. It was about being present on the highway as the cloudless sky and teal spans of ocean passed by outside my window. It was about sitting at the bedside of my friend, touching her arm and telling her stories, as she winds down this life and starts the transition into the next.

It was about feeling everything that came with that situation. The overwhelming sadness mixed with the immeasurable appreciation of knowing my friend, even if it will be for far fewer days than I'd prefer. 

When you think about living your life to the fullest, what does it look like for you?

Gratituesday: Orchids

Aren't we lucky to have orchids? 

Nothing brightens up a desk quite like them. 

I love how they look like little ladies walking up and down branches. 

Or maybe flocks of butterflies. 

So grateful for these flowers. 

What are you grateful for today? 

Gratituesday: Fancy Desserts

Aren't we lucky that people keep inventing decadent desserts?

The kind you just want to hold in your mouth a few minutes too long

because they taste too amazingly delicious to swallow. 

If only spinach and broccoli had the same effect on our palates...

So grateful for fancy desserts. 

What are you grateful for today?

Gratituesday: Hummingbirds

Aren't we lucky to share the world with hummingbirds?

The little helicopters of the bird world are so fun to watch,

as they zoom through our yards in search of their next sugar hit.

They're the only bird who can fly backwards, you know. 

Masters of adaptability. 

I wouldn't mind coming back as one in my next life. 

What are you grateful for today?

Gratituesday: The Wisdom of Tea Tags

Aren't we lucky to have wise little tags on our tea bags?

Teaching us proverbs and lessons while we sip. 

I'm pretty darn grateful for them.

What are you grateful for today?

Gratituesday: Rainbows

Aren't we lucky to have rainbows?

We never know when they'll pop up. 

They're like little surprise parties in the sky. 

So grateful for them.

What are you grateful for today?

Gratituesday: Fresh Guacamole

Aren't we lucky to have guacamole?

And better yet—fresh guac made on the spot!?

So delicious. And good for your heart.

It's a win win. 

So grateful for it.

What are you grateful for today?

Gratituesday: Tidepools

Aren't we lucky to have tidepools? 

Little microcosms of the ocean 

that we can explore

without even getting wet. 

So grateful for them.

What are you grateful for today?

The Fastest Way to Tame an Envy Flare-Up

I was wearing my grungiest pair of cutoff sweatpants, a dirty tank top, and no makeup when my neighbors passed our driveway and waved hello. They had just returned from a weekend getaway while we had spent the prior 48 hours covered in drywall dust in the rubble of our kitchen renovation.

I asked them how their trip was and they described delicious meals and decadent massages and relaxation at their resort's spa.

My muscles ached and my hands felt extra callused.

"I want your life!" I shouted to them.

I wanted a weekend away with lounging and downtime and new scenery! I resented our dusty house and displaced kitchen appliances.

As I walked back into the house, my husband asked me why I'd tell someone else I wanted their life. Why wouldn't I want my own life?

The green venom of envy had infected me. He was right to call me out and I knew there was only one antidote that could save me.

Gratitude. 

If you read this blog regularly, you know it's one of my top remedies for all that ails the spirit.

I put on my coaching hat and went to work to shed thy coveting of thy neighbors' weekend.

I forced myself to come up with at least 3 answers to this key question:

Why am I grateful that I didn't go away for a relaxing weekend?

1. My hubby and I made more progress on our renovation.
2. I saved money on hotel and restaurant costs.
3. I didn't have to worry about trying to catch up on chores during the week because I'd knocked them out over the weekend.

My envy loosened and slowly disappeared.

Ah, the power of gratitude. Such potent medicine.

Next time you find yourself under the thumb of the green dragon, take a minute and ask yourself how and why you can be grateful for the opposite of what you're envying. 

And then kiss the dragon goodbye and get on with your day wearing a smile.

Seeing It All Through a Lens of Gratitude

In the spirit of this day of thanks, I thought I'd share a few of the answers that came up for me when I completed my 30 Days of Gratitude worksheet last month (you can get the worksheet here for free). I hope you're having a wonderful turkey day and that you tap into massive amounts of gratitude from now through the end of the year.

Here are a few peeks into my daily feelings of gratitude:

Day 7
The strongest part of my body in this moment is: my vocal cords

Day 10
I felt a little burst of energy today when: my yoga teacher said, "Yes, Melissa that's it!" while I was doing a back bend

Day 15
I'm grateful that my hands can hold: spray paint and tools

Day 23
I'm grateful for the way these things feel: cozy socks, sunlight, hot showers

Day 26
When I look around the world, I'm grateful for: tolerant people, changes in thinking about farming, marriage equality, mental health, and guns

Unfortunately there's a whole other set of gratitude catalysts that my 30 Days worksheet doesn't cover: the hard things. The challenges that end up revealing great blessings. Life coach Meadow Devor wrote a beautiful post about this earlier in the week. And it really got me thinking about how thankful I am for the challenges I've faces in my life thus far.

I'm grateful that I was a pipsqueak late bloomer because it helped me develop a greater sense of humor.

I'm grateful that my boyfriend cheated on me in 2007 so I could finally become clear on what I really deserved.

I'm grateful that I've had to spend periods of time away from my husband, forcing me to stand stronger in my own independence.

I'm grateful that health scares in my family reminded all of us how lucky we are to have one another and how we should try to make the most of every day because we never know how much time we have here.

I'm grateful that the last year has been a crazy stress roller coaster because it reminded me the importance of practicing what I preach and using the tools I have to combat overwhelm.

And I'm grateful that there will be new challenges ahead to teach me invaluable lessons and steer me along my path toward every point I'm meant to hit in this life.  

Happy Thanksgiving to you, readers. I hope you can find much to be grateful for today, too.

5 Places to Find Abundance in Your Day-to-Day Routine

Harvest is in full swing in the valley where I live, which means gourds and pumpkins and apples and grapes are abounding around every turn. Cornucopias can't hold all the plenty going on around these parts.

It's a good reminder to focus on abundance rather than scarcity. 

Where our attention goes, we go. The more we focus on something, the more of it we attract. 

So if your focus is on lack of love, finances, fun, shoes, whatever, you're sending a signal into the Universe that boomerangs back a whole lot more lack in that area.

How do you shift your vibe from not enough to a whole lotta lotta? Practice looking for abundance. You may not be with the love of your life right now, but where else can you feel love around you? Or if your bank account isn't as full as you'd like, where else do you feel rich? How are the things you want most already showing up? How do you already have what you're seeking?

Even if you don't zero in on a specific area of your life, it's great to practice looking for abundance in your daily routine. Here are 5 place to find it as you start your morning.

1. In your closet
I would bet that most of us have enough clothing to stylishly cover a small village. How many jackets and sweaters do you have to keep you warm? How many memories come up when you look at your dresses and cute tops? How many places have all your different pairs of shoes carried you? Our closets and dressers are often bursting with bounty. We just have to stop and notice it now and again.

2. In the shower
Talk about a treat for the senses. How good does your shampoo smell? How much better does your voice sound when you're singing between those tiled walls? (Everyone sounds like a pop star in the shower. It's a proven fact.) How many body parts are feeling the warm tickle of the water? Notice the sensation of it against your skin. How many delicious scenarios can you daydream up while you're under the shower head?

3. On your breakfast plate (or in your lunch bag) 
We are so fortunate to have such an abundance of food available to us in this country. Taking the time to actually taste your toast or coffee or pb&j sandwich lets you experience all the flavors and textures your food has to offer. How does that latte feel when it hits your lips? What do your tastebuds detect when you chew a bite of your bagel and cream cheese? Food doesn't have to be gourmet to offer an abundance of satisfaction.

4. Outside your front door
Again, the path to more abundant experiences often starts with sensory perception. When you walk outside, what do you feel? Sun on your face? The nip of cool autumn air? What do you smell? Can you hear birds chirping or planes flying overhead? Do you see neighbors or new flowers budding in your yard or leaves starting to change color? How much activity is already in the works around you as you're just getting out to start your day?

5. In the car
Car stereos and ipods have to be some of the most abundantly packed items on the planet. Yes, I know sometimes we scan the radio stations and can't seem to find any songs we like, but I would bet that somewhere most of us have a killer playlist overflowing with great tunes—or even a stack of great CDs—we can use to fill the air around us with melody. How many great songs do you hear on your morning commute? How many interesting facts or funny stories do your favorite DJs share? And how lucky are you to even have enough money to be driving a car? You're prosperous enough to keep gas in your tank. And I bet you even have the luxury of going to the car wash now and again.

If we make it a point to look for it, abundance can be found in all different areas of our lives. And because abundance is gratitude's faithful sidekick, it makes a great starting place for shifting into a mode of increased thankfulness.

Where can you see abundance in your life today?

Free Download: 30 Days of Gratitude Worksheet

I've mentioned a couple different paths to gratitude on the blog here before, but now I'm taking things a step further with a full month of gratitude prompts. And you can download them for FREE! This new worksheet walks through a variety of topics, so you can explore gratitude from all different angles.

You can use it once or every month or fill out multiple questions each day if that's what you prefer. Whatever sort of thankfulness floats your boat.

To download it, click here or visit the Free Love page of this site.

Hope you enjoy your new gratitude practice!

Finding the Way Out of Unfairness

If you are one of those people who has never used the Internet to peek at people from your past, I commend you. Way to live in the present. If you are like me, curiosity may occasionally get the best of you and send you searching LinkedIn and Facebook for old coworkers and even your cheating ex.

As a life coach, I realize this is not a productive use of my time. And furthermore, I shouldn't be worrying about what other people are doing—I should be focused on making my life the most joyous, awesomest experience it can possibly be. But I'm a human, and therefore I have flaws. Like Facebook stalking.

Last night, for some unknown reason, I looked up my old flame Mr. Redflags on Facebook and found a profile for him that nearly made me gasp. Splashed across his page were pictures of him smiling from ear-to-ear with his wife and sweet, new baby.

My immediate reaction was,"That's NOT fair! He doesn't deserve such happiness after what he did to me!"

The raging victim inside me reared her angry head and started spinning a story that didn't feel good at all.

I stewed in this place for a little while and then that wise, higher person who rents a room in my brain said, "Why shouldn't he get to be happy, too?"

"Because he's a cheater and a liar! I bet his new wife doesn't even know about all the things he did!" my victim replied.

Then something shifted and suddenly I realized that he deserved truckloads of happiness because if it weren't for what he did, I wouldn't be where I am right now. If he hadn't cheated on me, I might be married to him. I might be miserable. I might not have ever met my Mr. W. I might actually owe him MY happiness.

I felt gratitude stretch to the furthest corners of my being. It's funny because I had expressed thanks (ish) toward him before. But this time, the physical feeling that went with it was completely different. I could tell it was true gratitude because it felt peaceful inside me.

We all deserve happiness. Things are only unfair when we choose to view them from the place of the eternal sufferer.

And I am not an eternal sufferer.

I know that even when someone has betrayed me with words or actions or maybe even a smack in the face, there is an opportunity to turn it around and find a reason to be thankful. To find gratitude for the lesson. The lessons are teaching me to own higher standards for my life. They are inviting me to make changes and move on to better things.

Whose life do you look at from time to time and find yourself thinking it's not fair? Can you cultivate a space of gratitude around the relationship and change that painful story?