My #1 Sanity Saver for 2017

I saw a statistic on the morning news today about how a record number of Americans are currently suffering from stress, depression, and anxiety. Though I found this dismaying, I didn't find it surprising. Because, on and off, I've been one of those Americans.

Toward the end of last year, I found myself trying to stay afloat amidst waves of stress, frustration, and pessimism about the world at large. My day job was getting on my last nerve. My patience at home was as thin as ever. When I looked around myself, I saw unfinished projects, an uncertain future, an unstable country.

So when the New Year arrived, I decided to resurrect my favorite mood-altering habit: writing in a daily gratitude journal.

It was working okay, but after hearing about a new, more structured gratitude journal while listening to a podcast, my husband challenged me to up my game. He bought each of us a copy of The Five-Minute Journal and dove right into it with his signature gusto. I, on the other hand, resisted the new book. I thought my old methods were just fine—I didn't need some fancy new fill-in-the-blanks book to help me craft my practice.

Oh, how very wrong I was.

People, this book is life-changing. And I'm not being dramatic. And I'm not getting compensated in any way to say this.

The journal truly does require only 5-10 minutes of your day. A quick entry in the morning, another at the end of the night, and you're done. But the transformation it can spark has been downright remarkable to me.

My stress levels feel lower than they have in probably a year. My optimism has returned. Though the future does still seem a little shaky to me, I see so much goodness when I look around the world.

I'm not saying everything is 100% rosy all of the time. I still have blips of overwhelm and frustration, but on the whole, I feel like a different person.

Shifting my focus to look for things I appreciate—it's magic. Opening and closing each day with gratitude—total path-paver to long-term happiness. And then the book has extras like weekly challenges and inspiring quotes that just crank the positivity dial even further in the right direction.

I've now gone on to purchase this book for more than one person and recommend it to pretty much anyone who will listen. I'll have to report back on others' results because I really am astonished by my own.

If you're looking for a way to save your sanity and change your outlook, I would highly recommend giving The Five-Minute Journal a shot. After all, a little gratitude never hurt anybody.

How to Relax When You Can't Relax

I took my very first helicopter flight this past weekend after swearing I'd never set foot in a helicopter. My husband's best friend is a heli pilot and has tried to convince me many times that I would enjoy a flight. Every time, I tell him No Way.

But we went to visit him for his 40th birthday and something came over me. I felt like I should live in the moment and seize the opportunity to experience a flight.

As soon as we lost contact with the ground, I felt myself start to tense.

My adrenaline started to kick in as we hovered higher and higher over the pavement below. We were in flight. I was in fight or flight.

But all I wanted to do was relax and enjoy the ride.

So I made a concerted effort to get out of my head and into my feet.

The fastest way to pull yourself out of a stress response is to focus on relaxing your body.

I steadied my breathing and let my shoulders drop. I released my abs—which I had unwittingly clenched super tight. I let my legs sink into my seat. I felt my toes tap the glass in front of me. I tried to let every muscle fall slack.

As I relaxed my body, my mind began to follow.

I continued to breathe and focus on calming my posture.

I soaked in the sights of the green vineyards and a winding river and sprawling properties below us. When the wind would kick up and cause the helicopter to shudder, I went right back to letting my muscles grow heavy and limp.

It was a great flight.

I won't say I was as laid back as I would have been in a bubble bath, but I felt pretty darn good and was able to totally enjoy the experience.

And the best part is—I can do this same trick any time stress creeps into my day. I can choose to fake it 'til I make it, relaxing my body until my mind follows and calm is restored.

Do you think you could give it a try next time you find yourself slipping into fight or flight?

I've Been Consuming Too Many "Empty Calories"...

This is the kind of stuff I should be consuming if I want to feel truly
healthy and satiated.

I realized last week that I haven't been feeding myself very well lately.

And it has nothing to do with the Pop Tarts in my pantry...

What I have been doing is stuffing myself with "empty calories"—using TV or social media or alcohol to numb out after long, chaotic days of work and home renovation disruptions. And then I wonder why I still feel crappy in spite of my nightly "relaxation."

Brené Brown first introduced me to the concept of numbing out when I took her Gifts of Imperfection online course through oprah.com. (She talks about numbing a little here.) It's when we try to attain the rest and respite we're craving with things that simply don't feed our spirits.

Rather than bringing us peace and lifting us from our pits of stress, these faux fixes just cause us to go numb.

We no longer feel the bad feelings, but we don't really feel the good ones either.

And after prolonged periods of numbing, you kind of just start to numb out everything—which can really inhibit your capacity to feel joy.

When I took Brené's class, she had us make a list of the stuff we use to numb ourselves. Mine included the vices I mentioned above, along with blaming, anger, and over-consumption of sugar.

Rather than continuing to rely on these numbing mechanisms, Brené says we need to tap into our "comfort wisdom" to find true peace.

How do you access the "food" you so desperately need of when you realize your relaxation facilitators aren't working?

Make a list of all the ways your wisest, most evolved self would tell you to unwind.

These are the activities that truly nourish and rejuvenate your soul.

When I became clear on the fact that I was numbing last week, I immediately dug out my comfort wisdom list from Brené's class. It includes things like "Go outside. Take a nap. Practice gratitude. Do something productive like organizing or cleaning. Read. Breathe and stretch."

Even just reading the list made my body feel more relaxed.

We all intuitively know what we need to heal from the ills of stress. It's just a matter of holding ourselves accountable so that we turn that that wisdom instead of the quick numbing solutions—which will never truly make us feel better.

Can you identify behaviors you use to numb out instead of really feeding yourself? And can you come up with a list of wiser, more comforting actions to replace those that will keep your spirit belly full of delicious, nutritious sustenance?

What to Do When Your Lizard Starts Climbing the Walls

I was sitting at my dining room table last week when I looked up and saw a shadowy visitor making his way up my screen door. One of the backyard's many lizards had decided to take a vertical stroll. I wondered if he was panicking like our inner lizards do when they start climbing the walls.

What's an "inner lizard," you ask?

There's a part of our brain called the amygdala, which governs the stress response and puts us into fight or flight—even over silly things like the mere possibility that we *might* have to speak up in an important meeting or our mother-in-laws *might* show up at our houses unannounced. You know, nothing major like the possibility that a tiger *might* eat us.

Because the less evolved part of our brains is often referred to as the "reptilian brain," my mentor Martha Beck dubbed that panicky amygdala brain voice "The Lizard." It's the voice that pops into your head and shrieks declarations like:

 "You CAN'T do THAT—what will people think?!" 

"You HAVE to do THAT—what will people think if you don't?!"

"If you wear that to the party, everyone will FREAK OUT!" 

"You better not make a career change because you will lose ALL OF YOUR MONEY!" 

It's the part of our noggins that goes all ballistic about stuff that hasn't even—and may not ever—happen. Yet that little lizard voice can send us into adrenaline overload before we even get out of bed in the morning.

So what to do when your lizard starts climbing the walls?

First, recognize that it's your lizard. Stop and be aware of the tone—does it sound like your calm, wise, higher self, inner voice? Or does it sound like anxiety amplified?

Second, take some deep breaths. Breathing helps calm the crazed stress response that the lizard triggers. I'm a big fan of doing alternate nostril breathing with my eyes closed. Pulls me out of stress response every time.

Third, treat it like it's your pet. Imagine patting your lizard on the head and telling it to simmer down. Thank it for trying to protect you from woolly mammoths and fashion faux pas, but tell it you're going to go ahead and do what you want even though it is trying to scare the bejeezus out of you. Let your higher self extinguish its freak out.

Fourth, remember it is the less evolved part of yourself and that's not the part that will guide you toward your best life. The calm inner voice that speaks in cool tones and gut feelings is the one you should listen to. Your lizard may protect you from imaginary threats, but it can also be the thing that stands smack in the way of your ultimate success.

Launching a Counterattack on Stress: A How-To Guide

Hawaiian vacations are a great way to de-stress, but most of us can't afford to
take them on a weekly basis.

Last night I hosted a free call on my 5 Top Tips for Overcoming Overwhelm and Breaking Free from Your Funk. It was a jolly good time and if you missed it, you can listen to the recording here!

There's also an accompanying Google doc that you can download here.

What I'm talking about may not be rocket science or brain surgery—but it is brain science! Certain practices I cover can literally help you start to rewire your brain so that it refocuses on the positive instead of the negative. And when you're feeling stuck in a funk, that kind of change in perspective can be extremely valuable. 

While I have you here, I also wanted to let you know about a little program I'm putting together to kick off the New Year. It's called Wonderful U and it's all about reconnecting to your sense of self—and what makes you wonderful—so you can find more joy and get more of what you want out of life. When it comes to your career aspirations, relationships, life experiences, goals, hopes and dreams, the common denominator is YOU. Everything revolves around how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself. I want to make sure you're feeling and acting from a place of wonderful.

So I'm cooking up a workbook, a series of four tele-classes, and a fun kick-off party at my house in California's Central Coast wine country to help you make it happen.

You can find more details here and here.

I hope last night's call helps if you're feeling stuck in a state of funky overwhelm. Don't hesitate to contact me if you have questions or want to chat!

My 5 Top Tips for Battling Overwhelm and Breaking Free from Your Funk

One of my nightly practices: documenting things I'm grateful for in my Grat Pad.

We have this saying in coaching that goes, "You've got to live it to give it." You can't go around trying to help people solve problems if you haven't taken your own medicine and solved them yourself.

I knew this back in January when I started offering girlfriend getaway coaching weekends to friends and family that wanted to learn about "Overcoming Overwhelm," but I didn't know that the Universe had big plans for teaching (and reteaching) me how to do it myself. Live it to give it...

I thought because I had all sorts of fancy tools up my sleeve from coach training that I was more than ready to share them with the world. And much of what I shared has helped clients.

But after going through a year that included a husband out of the country, monthly trips from California to Canada, two houses that required upkeep (in cities 2+ hours apart), working one full-time-ish job while trying to launch another business (this one!), packing and moving (sans husband again), caring for ailing geriatric cats, and trying to fit in fun stuff here and there, I realized I needed a new toolset. Whew!

When I moved in August, I was under the false assumption that Everything! Was Going to Get! Easier! Hooray!

Wrong.

The first two months were extremely rough and it wasn't until I started putting my coaching knowledge into action that I really began to feel better.

And the funny thing was that the external stressors seemed to calm down as I calmed down. Coincidence? I kind of think not.

All of this is to say that I came away with 5 Stupendously Important Practices that I shall henceforth use anytime I'm in a funk again. And probably in between funks. Like preventative medicine.

I'm sharing my 5 Top Tips for Battling Overwhelm and Breaking Free from Your Funk on a live call next Tuesday night, November 19 from 6:30-7:30 p.m. PST. 

And it's completely free, baby!

If you're a ball of stress like I was, I highly encourage you to dial in and learn the tips—plus get a little free coaching if you need it. Send me a note here telling me that you'd like to attend and I will send you the call-in number and accompanying Google doc.

And if you can't attend live, I may record the call and post it on the site. Stay tuned!