Wednesday, April 11, 2012

And Now, a Note about the Difference Between Wanting to Find Real-Deal Love and Just Wanting to Be Married

There was a period in my life when I'm pretty sure I wanted a husband-slot filler more than I wanted someone who was actually the right fit for me. Conditioning and expectations from society, family and friends had convinced me that I HAD to get married before a certain age or I was a complete failure of a human being. And I don't think I was the only one feeling that way.

Many of us grow up putting more emphasis on finding a willing mate than discovering a wonderful match. 

But we all know what can happen when one rushes into marriage, thank you very much Kim Kardashian.

The thing that saved me was when my therapist had me do an exercise aimed at making peace with the idea of never getting married. He instructed me to write about what my life would be like if I stayed single forever.

From a manifesting perspective, my fear that I would never get married blasted out to the Universe and only worked to perpetuate my singleness. The Universe doesn't hear "I want" or "I don't want," it just picks up on what your focus is and runs with it. So "alone," "never married," and "single forever" were the vibe I was continually projecting, even though it wasn't all what I wanted.

When I sat down to write about an eternity of singlehood, I cried my eyes out the entire time. And it's funny because the thing that made me the most mournful was not the thought of being deprived of a partner but the thought of never dancing with my father at my wedding. Hello, poorly skewed emphasis.

But after I completed the exercise, it was like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Suddenly I could see with extreme clarity how much importance I'd been putting on walking down the aisle rather than finding a sustaining, reciprocal love.

I was looking to fill a hole. Not find real happiness.

Playing out the worst-case scenario can be a really powerful way to shut down fear. 

What I learned from doing my own worst-case was that I would still be me; I would still go on to have a fulfilling life and travel and spend time with people I loved; I would still have a family around me; I would not wither and die alone. I would be ABSOLUTELY FINE.

How liberating is it to know that WE are all we really need?

Shedding my slot-filling mentality was just another step that moved me closer to finding my Mr. Wonderful.

Are you letting fears hold you back from peace and forward movement?

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